Now is the time we will survive to see the light of another day....

I woke up today somewhat refreshed and ready to do nothing. My brother eventually came up to my room and told me about my mom's call from the doctor. She definitely does have breast cancer. For those of you who knew about it and have been praying, thank you very much. We appreciate it more than you can imagine, and I just ask that you continue to do so. For those of you who I asked to pray but didn't really know what was going on, thank you very much. And for those of you who didn't know at all, well I guess you do now, and I just ask you to keep our family in your prayers.

One might ask why I didn't tell everyone about it when my mom first said she was going to the doctor to have a lump checked. My reason is this: I didn't want all this, "Oh, I'm so sorry," stuff. I know it's just the way people express their concern for others, but it's so cliché that it sometimes just makes you want to scream. I love knowing that people are concerned and care for my family, but I guess I just didn't want all that jazz going on.

Something really strange about this whole ordeal is the fact that I'm not freaking out about it. I have no clue why, but I have a suspicion. I actually have two suspicions. The first is that it just hasn't set in yet, which would be strange. The second one is that this lack of anger/fear/sadness is just God telling me, "Don't worry. It's all going to be fine. We caught it in time. It's not nearly as bad as it could be." I would definitely choose the latter if I had a choice. I've just been praying for God to show me which it is.

When I talked to my youth director about the situation on Wednesday night, she brought up a good point. My brother and I both know that our mom loves us and worries about us all the time, but we've never really had to have that worry about her until now. That's one reason I feel bad about not having hardcore emotion about this. Maybe I'm naive or something, but I almost feel like a bad person for not feeling worried about what's going to happen. At the same time, I think it's good to be like this because I'm the type of person that always sees the glass as half-full. I love to look at the bright side of things. Like when my car was attacked again tonight, I did look at the downside of never being able to get rid of all the glitter, but at the same time I knew I'd be able to have fun getting payback. I'm seeing this whole ordeal with my mom as somewhat of a trial of our family's strength, and at the same time I'm thinking positively about the future of it all. I keep having feelings that they really did get this in time for it to not be as bad as it could.

One thing that kind of hit me today was this: For the last 3 years or so, I've gone to Relay for Life in Blue Earth. I've basically gone to have just a cool night hanging out with some of my friends and taking nice walks around the fairgrounds. Today when my mom came up to my room to talk to me more about what was going on, I was wearing my Relay for Life shirt from 2003. She asked me, "Are you walking again this year?" And I said I was. When I changed clothes a little while later, I noticed what shirt I was wearing and thought to myself, "Wow. Relay has a whole new meaning to me now."

I'm not sure this whole blog is structured enough to make sense because I'm just typing it as I think of it, but I just needed to get a few feelings down. I thank you all for your prayers, and I appreciate the fact that my family has such a great community by our side.

El número del día: Number of Psalms I read last night that fit the current situation -- 3